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  1. #1
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    What is a switch?

    I was just wondering about the mindset of a switch,

    I cannot see myself even in my wildest nightmeres being submissive to anyone or anything, ,,

    So how can a person be a sub, and then switch to being a Dom with any credibility,,,,,

    are switches something and nothing?

    would love to see other peoples opinion on this........
    Admonisher
    Who has never been afflicted with political correctness...........

    Founder member of the anti clique clique...........

  2. #2
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    My personal opinion is that we all have submissive and dominant parts to our personalities. It depends on the proportion of each as to whether we are more dominant or submissive. It seems to me that, based on this hypothesis, switches are actually more balanced than those of us at one end of the spectrum or the other; they certainly have the best of both worlds!

    I also feel that, even when there is not a single submissive hair on one's head, a Dom/me should indeed switch from time to time in order to have a better understanding of both the physical and psychological effects of what they dish out. I for one practice what I preach where this is concerned. I also like to try out each new implement I obtain in order that I know the impact it has.

    Not only that, as a ProDomme, it is very easy to forget at times that the power and authority (for want of better words) can go right to one's head. By switching, I keep my feet a little closer to the ground

  3. #3
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    Ohhhh difficult question. I can only answer for myself, cos from reading other posts, everyone in this site is very different.

    I do like to switch, the spanking scene is very new to me, it is something that has been going on between me and my husband only for a short while. I got into it first from going to fetish clubs, and watching excited me. I couldn't work out if i was excited because i wanted to give or i wanted to receive a spanking.

    So being a switch is, at the moment, a way fo me to find my feet. but i do prefer to give the spankings, it's a good feeling to experience the mind frame from both sides.

    At the end of the day i don't think it really matters whether you sub, dom or switch, as long as both parties are happy, i wouldn't like to think that an internal issue would divide this site, there is enough ignorance, predjudice and missunderstanding already about spanking.

    Clare x x x
    For God , England and St George draw swords and rush the gooners front line the spoils rest back home at Old Trafford

  4. #4
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    Re: What is a switch?

    Originally posted by Admonisher
    So how can a person be a sub, and then switch to being a Dom with any credibility,,,,,

    are switches something and nothing?

    would love to see other peoples opinion on this........
    I would love to be a smartarse, and say that a switch is someone who has achieved sufficient self knowledge to be happy in either roll, but one flame war per weekend is enough for anyone.

    It's very hard to actually explain without implicitly or explicitly taking a pop at those who consider themselves one thing or another.

    I like to cook, and I like to have things cooked for me.
    I like to play music (albeit very badly) and I like to have music played to me.
    I like to fly, but I also like to travel as a passenger.

    Can you see a pattern building up here?

    One could say that some people are attracted to the idea of spanking, but some of those do not find one side of the equation appealing. This is perfectly fair, but I think there is just as much need for them to explain themselves as there is for switches.

    I wonder if there are people who like to read about spankings, or watch spankings, but have no desire to participate at all - they should exist for symmetry.

    Mogul

  5. #5
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    Do you switch Mogul?

    if not , I don't think your reply is relevent,

    Lady Pan and Clare have switched, and by replying I understand the mindset better, and I am gratful to them both,
    I don't wish to alienate anyone ,,I'm just trying to understand....
    Admonisher
    Who has never been afflicted with political correctness...........

    Founder member of the anti clique clique...........

  6. #6
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    switches

    I think Lady P has most of the answer, but there are some of us who are bisexual and switch. I'm happy in any situation, male or female, give or take, just as long as its spanking.

  7. #7
    deeliteful Guest

    i thought it made sense

    Actually, i rather thought that Mogul's reply made some sense... i am sub only... up to this point in the journey at least... and while i don't see that changing, i have often asked the same question...His reply of a person having come to enough self knowledge to enjoy being either was one of the first that i could actually related to, given the analogies provided. cheers Mogul.

    dee

  8. #8
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    Originally posted by Admonisher
    Do you switch Mogul?

    if not , I don't think your reply is relevent,
    Yes, Admonisher.

    Unfortunately it's very difficult to explain the change in mindset.

    It's especially difficult to explain to those people who say things like: "I just Dom, it's what I am"

    You see, I am not a Dom, and I am not a sub. I just enjoy the play. When a Dom and sub successfully undertake the power exchange, a circuit is made, and something flows. It doesn't matter to me which part of the circuit I am (except that being a sub hurts more), I get an enormous kick out of being a part of that circuit.

    Some people are only happy in one role, but I don't find anything undignified in taking the sub role, and allowing a woman to get her kicks from being dominant.

    Mogul

  9. #9
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    Get your point now Mogul,,

    Just to expand this a little ,,,I wonder if bisexuality has anything to do with switch mindset as HERcules says?

    Are bisexuals more likely to be switches?
    Admonisher
    Who has never been afflicted with political correctness...........

    Founder member of the anti clique clique...........

  10. #10
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    Interesting thread. Here's my twopence worth.

    I agree there is sub and dom in all of us and that going on the sub end from time to time can make you a better dom.

    For a long long time I thought of myself as exclusively dom and would not entertain any possibility of switching, I mean damn it all, it HURTS.

    As I matured I started to realise that there was more to this 'thing' of mine than I had wanted to admit to myself. Searching back into my past I could recall occasions as a teenager when out of shear frustration of not being able to practice my desires, I had spanked and slippered myself whilst looking at the results in a mirror. I also realised that when I watched a spanking video or read a spanking story, I was turned on mostly by the thoughts of what was going on in the female spankees mind.

    This started me 'allowing' myself the occasional switch fantasy. By this time I was active in the scene and still keeping very much a Dom in practice. When I did finally succumb it was by sneaking off to see a professional lady who did not know me from Adam. First I spanked her and then I let her spank me. It was very mild stuff but it really turned me on. The fact that this lady was not particularly attractive and was a complete stranger just added to the buzz for some reason, and I visited her on at least 2 more occasions.

    Back in the scene I started to hint that I might be persuaded to switch by the right lady. Most of the girls took this as a cruel joke on my part, but I actually meant it. Funny thing is that I found this stance got me a lot more action as the ladies tried to turn me. Have to say that none of them really found my switch button, what I needed was gentle, quiet but firm handling. I did not want to be given a choice in the matter, 'Oh please Mr Dom, can we spank you? Pleeeease' just did not do it. Nor did shouting and posturing, and as most of the ladies were subs, they really did not know how to turn a dom with too much pride.

    Eventually 3 of the girls hijacked me at my birthday party and gave me a good thrashing, which quite frankly I did not enjoy, but they loved every minute.
    I did a fair amount of 'reluctant' switching, just as part of turnabout is fair play type games with some of the groups I was involved with. Being prepared to take what you gave was mandatory in some of the groups but it was not the sort of switching I really wanted. I think this showed rather too much and seemed to give the ladies MORE pleasure to get me on the receiving end. The actual pain without a turn on just about cured me and I have not really developed into a genuine full switch, BUT in my head I am, I'm just too damn picky about the scenarios that making going sub work for me.

    Sorry to go on so much.

    GD

  11. #11
    I have fantasies about spanking and being spanked, as with most other things I find sexually appealing. That's about all there is to it, really. I also don't think that I'd want to spank someone harder than I'd want to be spanked myself. Maybe there's a bit of reciprocal exchange to it as well.

    PS A switch is also a long, thin, flexible branch.

  12. #12
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    That's a really interesting question Admonisher. I don't know the answer myself. I would say I don't think so, but who knows? I know from my gay and bi friends that there is often a defined role each partner plays, either more male or more female ... could this be construed as dom and sub? I look forward to being educated

  13. #13
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    It is well known on this site that I switch... but am also known as bottom switch in some circles..

    I am predominately a submissive spankee but have over time grown into a fairly strong Domme as well... but to do so I have to be in the right mind...

    I cannot explain it.... for me it just is...

    And to the question of bi-sexuality.... have to say in this instance no... am totally hetrosexual.
    When the smile on His lips matches the smile in His eyes, my days work is done.

    I always knew I had the option to be silent, I just never realised I had the ability.

  14. #14
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    Re: switches

    Originally posted by HERcules324
    I think Lady P has most of the answer, but there are some of us who are bisexual and switch.
    Yes, some of us are!

    Most of my "giving" has been done in a club or party situation, more or less as a favor to friends. It doesn't turn me on the way "receiving" does-- in general. But a few years ago I had a relationship with a man, also a switch, and I found I could really get into topping him!I've been surprised at how much my interests and what turns me on can change-- with the right person.

    cheers
    Tessa Sanger

  15. #15
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    Re: What is a switch?

    Originally posted by Admonisher
    I was just wondering about the mindset of a switch,

    So how can a person be a sub, and then switch to being a Dom with any credibility,,,,,

    are switches something and nothing?

    The question is put in slightly condescending terms as if a switch makes a weaker dom, or a dom loses his authority or is not as effective as an 'out and out' dom.

    I can equally enjoy my dominant and submissive roles and I hope can provide as much pleasure to the other party whichever way the scene goes.In a few cases relationships are 24/7 D/s and then it would obviously not suit the situation to switch and change the dynamic.In the majority of others,the 'players' meet to enact some sort of a spanking/bdsm situation and take on a role for that occasion.

    I don't follow the argument that says that the person cannot be effective in the dominant role if they also enjoy submissive tendencies or accept CP etc.on other occasions.

    We all have different styles and techniques and this is not a competition to see how 'dom'we can be.It should more be about finding common interests and activities with our spanking partner to ultimately provide pleasure.

    In my case,I have submissive friends, dominant friends and some that also like to switch.It obviously only works for you to be dom so it will be difficult to submit or perhaps even understand the sub psyche.

    But, please, don't think of those who can enjoy both sides of their nature as in any way inferior.

    Regards,
    Takesix (or more if you want)

  16. #16
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    very useful thing really

    makes the lights go on and off and everything


  17. #17
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    Re: very useful thing really

    Originally posted by cutesub
    makes the lights go on and off and everything

    Pointing finger, screaming!!!!!!

    A frivolous post!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!

    It's also the shoot from a branch of a tree...
    Swiveling head; are we there yet??

  18. #18
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    And the annoying thing is that I managed to refrain from saying exactly that when the thread first appeared.

    Mogul

  19. #19
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    A switch

    I think this is a serious thread so electrical contacts do not come into it thank you. (the lights are on but there is no one home)

  20. #20
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    With me it had to do with age. When I first started to meet people if they were younger than me I played the active role and If older the passive one. Now i am old Iv moved to completly dom.I have found that usually the women (I meet at least) dont like their men to switch they like the image of the dominant man, whereas gay men dont mind switches.
    Kopictures

  21. #21
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    Admonisher

    I agree with takesix that the question is slightly condescending and rather implies that what you do as a Dom is perfectly logical and easily explained and I would disagree fundamentally with that. If you compare the role you take on as a Dom with how you behave outside the scene I suspect they are totally different.

    If you doubt how illogical it seems try to explain to a person who isn’t into spanking and see how far you get. The best you can hope for is ‘Well if that’s what you want to do good luck to you’. At worst they think you are a complete pervert. I know, I have tried with very little success. They might be amused, interested or even appaled but are unlikely to understand. Now I don’t even try.

    I don’t think it is something rational that can be explained you either are or aren’t a switch and does it really matter? We all enjoy our own version of this crazy world we inhabit or we wouldn’t be here on this site.

  22. #22
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    What a wonderful thread - and almost void of any humourous one-liners! (Is this a frivolous response in itself?)

    I have heard it said more than once that switches make the best doms because of their inside knowledge. This may or may not be true and my own personal experiences leave me uncertain on this point.
    I have to applaud Pandora's dedication which involves trying out new implements on herself before applying them to subs and her wanting to know how it feels to be on the receiving end of what she dishes out. This is an example of the ProDomme as they should be, but sadly so often aren't.
    But with the best will in the world even she is not able to experience the mental "buzz" involved in a session as experienced by the sub. I love to switch and try to bring into play, when I'm topping, the little things that turn me on as a sub. But to me the suggestion that subs or switches might be in some way inferior is both ludicrous and insulting.
    Rather six of the best than a pain in the arse....
    yep, cane, cane and thrice times cane..
    ...er, please

  23. #23
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    Thank you, rog ... I have to admit that I do actually feel the "buzz" when subbing and that I used to switch regularly. It seems that I have become more dominant with time, but I do still enjoy switching, although it isn't as often as it used to be!

    I started off as a fully fledged sub ... into more than CP/Discipline. However, with time and maturity, it became apparent that I am more domme than sub. It has been a growing process for me to be who and what I am today. As for switches ... they have the best of both worlds!

  24. #24
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    But to me the suggestion that subs or switches might be in some way inferior is both ludicrous and insulting.

    rog, this was not my intention, in starting this thread, it was merely to try to understand the mindset of the switch, which is something that I cannot comprehend, and thanks to all that have replied, this has gone someway to redress this..

    somethig that Kopictures said'''
    whereas gay men dont mind switches

    is homosexuality a contribruting factor, for subs and switches?

    again this is not meant to demean anybody,,just posing a question for discussion..........
    Admonisher
    Who has never been afflicted with political correctness...........

    Founder member of the anti clique clique...........

  25. #25
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    Thumbs up Vigour

    Admonisher,

    Thanks for the clarification of your intention because it has been a good thread and the bit of provocation has brought out some passionate replies.

    One thing to add, is that generally I dom to purely submissive women and sub mainly to dominant ladies (not other switches),so there is probably a certain dynamic at work here which you were getting at.

    My main switch partner is my life partner but as she is really the dominant one in our relationship I only get the chance infrequently. Also within one play session it is unlikely we would actually switch roles then as it is generally better just one way.

    As for the one liner,I know this little minx and she will face the penalty from my partner.
    Takesix (or more if you want)

  26. #26
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    Interesting Discussion

    For my part I started as a Dom that liked spanking but had the odd fantasy about subbing. What I have found as I get older is:-


    1) Like Lady Pandora you really should know what it feels like on the 'other end'
    2) Reality is a lot harder and more painful than fantasy !
    3) So far I have not been able to 'switch' with one lady. If I am playing Dom to one lady I can only sub to another. Perhaps this is because I am worried about 'losing control' with the sub ?
    4) If I sub it tends to be in line with my fantasy. I cannot surrender total control.

    Conclusion. We are all different. We all enjoy different variations on a theme. It doesn't really matter ! Enjoy what you do and try to satisfy your partner is my motto !

    David

  27. #27
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    A switch is somebody who probably gets the best of both worlds. I got ma hands roasted at school and ma bum and hands skelped on numerous occasions throughout ma life.
    Now and again a wee spark was ignited but nothing to the blazing fire that gets going when ah pick up ma tawse tae give a nice leatherin tae a deserving soul!
    jist Mike.
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  28. #28
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    Dear Lady Pandora,

    Seems I got that all wrong! You bein an experienced sub and all that! Maybe that's another reason why you come across as a true pro in the positive sense of the word.

    And if anybody's readin this I hasten to add that I have never met this lady and will certainly keep well out of her way when I'm in uk because she seems to know far too much about what goes on in the heads of we subs for my liking! I'd probably end up not bein able to sit for a week and I wouldn't even be able to complain about it.

    Admonisher, I take your point but I'm not really trying to point fingers but just to make a general comment about the "relative values" of doms and subs. Hope this clarifies the situation.

    One thing is for certain, we switches really do get the best of both worlds and as a male it is, in my experience, generally far easier to find a partner who will switch than a purely sub male or female.
    Rather six of the best than a pain in the arse....
    yep, cane, cane and thrice times cane..
    ...er, please

  29. #29
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    Sexuality as a whole is an incredibly complex thing.

    I think there may be a correlation between the way we are sexually to the way we are dominant or submissive but I say that without certainty.

    I have always fancied women sexually, never men. That isn't some homophobic rant, I have had homeosexual friends I have loved dearly, but not in a sexual way. In the same way, I am a Dom and have never had any desire or inclination to be a sub. It simply isn't in me.

    Maybe there is some kind of genetic sliding scale for both and I am at the extreme end of both. Maybe the opposite end of that scale is homosexuality on the sexual side and being submissive on the spanking side. And in between there are degrees of change. In the centre of one is the bisexual, in the centre of the other is the switch. That is not to imply that to be a switch you have to be bi-sexual!

    I am pleased to be the way I am because it's so much less complicated. And I have every respect for the way other people are. To me, the most important thing is that we all show tolerance towards each other.

    I hope some of this made sense!

  30. #30
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    I am not comfortable with the term "switch" but a switch I certainly am.

    I love spanking both ways and do feel that I get the best of both worlds. I get the pleasure of both giving and receiving a red bottom which is as close to heaven as I get on this Earth of ours.

    Spanking seems, for many contributors, to be linked with a power relationship but not for me. It is dress, scene and context that does it for me with the opportunity to have a giggle along the way.

    To me spanking is fun, exciting, erotic but not, ultimately, serious.
    hof

  31. #31
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    Yes, yes yes hof!

    I can identify 100% with all of that.
    The atmosphere, dress, anticipation the whole nine yards.

    In my case, however, there are certain times as a sub where I need things to get an awful lot more serious! I keep telling myself it's for my own good! But I never learn.
    Rather six of the best than a pain in the arse....
    yep, cane, cane and thrice times cane..
    ...er, please

  32. #32
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    I have to agree that I get the best of both worlds......

    I enjoy being spanked........and upto now have had no complaints .... hence my full diary

    I enjoy also spanking guys......and upto now had no complaints......hence my full diary.......

    When the smile on His lips matches the smile in His eyes, my days work is done.

    I always knew I had the option to be silent, I just never realised I had the ability.

  33. #33
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    Nicki - how do you find time to work, in here most of the day and with a full diary for the rest of the day?

    If only we lived a bit nearer each other; then I could take a couple of pages in your diary.

  34. #34
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    What is a switch

    what is a switch , i know its me
    some times i lay over his knee
    but then again the thoughts in my head
    change and i am a domme instead

    As a small child i watched the tv
    saw lots of spanking over a knee
    i imagined i was the one in control
    and spanking since then has been my ideal goal

    sometimes the domme me is strong and awake
    making bad boys cry for mistakes
    but sometimes i am the one with the fear
    as i take it all and end with a tear

    the best of both worlds yes maybe so
    i sometimes wonder which way to go
    i think that in time my sub side will sleep
    as i feel the domme in me ,growing deep

    but sub dom or switch it matters not which
    cos if the bugs got you , then you have to itch
    enjoy all of it no matter which side
    as long as you end up with a red sore backside !!


    lady4otk

    may your hands always be busy.....
    may you always do for others and let others do for you ............

  35. #35
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    I have been into spanking for as long as I can remember, well before I learnt that it was called 'spanking' and before I found out that some people only take or receive. Both giving and receiving has been parts of the same thing for me. And yes, taking helps me understand how to give it, I don't think there is a better way to understand it.
    "My body is screaming NO!"
    "My heart is confirming YES!"
    a poem by Iva

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